You know those words “oh lol, sun nu” has been ringing in my head.
Wondering and thinking about whether was it said from her mouth, or did it come from someone else.
But I guess for me, it no longer matters.
Yet this hope still lingers around, telling me not to give up.
Miss my shifu so much that I have been thinking about her these few days, but I don’t have the luxury to have long conversations with her.
It’s even a luxury to receive a message from her, even if it says “I can’t see your full message”.
It’s been a month soon since she left. Have no idea how she is. But I know she has been through a lot of experiences and she has been doing pretty fine.
It’s just that things have not be the same without her but to her, she loves the nature more than anything. She loves people and love just being around them,
Yet she is one that doesn’t get close to people easily or doesnt trust easily.
I hope I really don’t end up being a replica of her when she is back.
Really love her to the bits.
But no, this post wasn’t meant to be about the shifu. Hahaha. Deviation is the natural cause of conversation. LOLOLOL.
I guess it no longer matters to me.
But with all that has happened,
that slip of the message actually makes me feel very uncomfortable
I don’t know
but I honestly hate it if they are going to use the people I love to “convince” me about something.I’m not saying that they are going to, I’m saying that there have been cases like that. Which I really detest. I mean just because you can’t talk through to me, Doesn’t mean that you get someone I love to talk through to me and push my limits. There are certain times where i won’t even listen to them. But that’s where I learn, by myself. And with God. That, let me settle with God. I’m not frustrated or irritated or anything. I just don’t like it that people tend to do that. Just let me overthink a little about now and imagine the worst. Cos anything less than that is much better that what I’m thinking of now. Goodnights and one fine day, she’ll give up on me like how everyone did. So my dear girl, don’t put your trust in anybody at all. Anybody except Christ.
I think there is a limit to this.
God, help me to be like you.
Help me to love like you did.
To persist like you did
Even when I feel like giving up.
Because I’m only human.
But with you, I can do so much more.
The small times that we have together.
The strange way of how we got close.
And how you consider us as close
But how we have become like this.
I’m wondering if its worth it anymore.
Sacrificing all of myself just to do ridiculous things for you.
Yet you just can’t be bothered.
So this time round, I’m gonna ask you first.
And this time, the ball is in your court.
Unless you have told the boss not to put me with you,
Then I accept.
<i>Cause it seems to me that you can afford to lose me.
Even though it contradicts what you said to me.
<b>What are words if you don’t mean them when you say them?